Let’s face it, Superman is over 70 years old!  He was created in a time when people were still saying, “Now, hold on!  That Hitler guy’s not ALL bad!”  It can be a bit of a chore to take a character that predates the polio vaccine and make him relevant to today’s world.

That said, today we’re going to take a look at some of the worst offenders in the crazed attempts that some creators have made for relevance and modern “hipness.”

Wonder Woman
Poor Wonder Woman has had it kind of rough over the years.  While she is one of the first female superheroes PERIOD, she wasn’t much more than the Justice Society’s secretary for her first few appearances.  Eventually, the good people at what would become DC Comics realized the amazing character that William Moulton Marston (creator of the lie detector) had created and made her the Amazonian we all know and love.

But, the 1960’s threw a bit of a monkey wrench into the Wonder Woman mythos.  DC decided to de-power Wonder Woman in an attempt to make her more relatable.  Instead of an Amazonian princess, she became a boutique owner, got a Chinese mentor named I Ching (ho-boy) who taught her martial arts and she became a globe trotting adventurer.  Unfortunately for DC, their plan backfired a bit when feminist groups basically said, “Wait a second…you took the most powerful female in comics and took away all her power?  WTF?”  DC soon gave her her powers back.

Take that, Susan B. Anthony!

More recently, DC has taken some heat for their 2010 redesign of the character that abandons her classic Roman armor look for leggings and a jacket that looks like it was stolen from the 90’s era X-Men.  Instead of the fierce warrior we’re used to, this new Wonder Woman looks like a hipster shopping for skinny jeans at American Apparel. This revamp of the character, brought to you by J. Michael Straczynski, even de-powered her again!  She’s not completely without her powers, but they’re significantly reduced at the beginning of the story in Wonder Woman #601.

She looks like a 50 year old soccer mom tarting herself up for a Bruce Springsteen concert. And tell me those aren't the same leggings she's wearing in the 60's image up above!

Haircuts
Sometimes the only thing creators can think to do to make people connect with a character is to change up their style a little.  After the death of Superman in the early 1990’s, DC was looking for a way to spice up the Man Of Steel and make him more contemporary.  They’re answer?  THE SUPER-MULLET!

Superman also started to watch tons of NASCAR.

In 1983, the X-Woman Storm was approaching her 10th birthday and writer Chris Claremont and artist Paul Smith wanted to shake things up a bit.  So, they changed Storm from an African weather goddess into a leather wearing punk complete with a mohawk.  In later interviews, Smith regretted the decision, saying the mohawk was, “…a bad joke gone too far.”

It got worse when Storm learned that the Sex Pistols were anti-mutant.

In the late 1990’s, Marvel launched “Heroes Reborn,” which was a separate universe that The Avengers and Fantastic Four were sent to.  This universe revamped their origins and was sort of a proto-Ultimate Marvel.  Not really knowing how to update the Hulk, they just slapped long, emo hair on him.  Why not?

HULK MAD! HULK FORGET EYELINER!

Costume Changes
Finally, we take a look at the wardrobe decisions that creators have made that must have seemed like good ideas at the time.

Superman Red/Blue:  So, in the 1990’s Superman turned into a being of pure energy, at point splitting into two separate beings entirely.  Huh?

Just like Siegel and Shuster envisioned.

Nomad: During the 1970’s Captain America decided he no longer wanted to be the champion of the USA, so he adopted the guise of Nomad!  Plunging disco neckline and all.

Somehwere right now, John Travolta has a boner for the old days.

Roller Skating Kitty Pryde: …?

Huh?

New X-Men: In the early 2000’s, writer(?) Grant Morrison and artist Frank Quitely revamped the X-Men to mirror the newly released film version of the team.  What we got was the gay-bar version of the X-Men.

The Village People called, they want their sexuality back.

So, there you have it.  Some of the worst attempts at making comics hip and relevant.  Now, let’s go see if we can get Justin Bieber a cameo as the next Bucky!

Ian Candish
Ian@ComicImpact.com